A guide to asking a guy out on a date without coming off across as desperate or needy
So you’ve decided you wanna ask a guy out — excellent!
You’re taking a big and thoroughly modern step into possibly starting a new relationship.
Being the one to ask a guy out is an empowering and proactive move taking control of your dating life.
That being said, though, it might also be nerve-racking. You run the risk of sounding desperate or unsure of yourself, and that’s never a good sign when taking the lead in dating.
Below are some of the things you should keep in mind when asking a guy out the right way:
Should You Really Ask?
There are several very valid reasons why you should be the one to make the first move.
Chief among those is that we live in an age where gender equality is a thing. Done are the days of extensive courtship and dowries.
If you want something, you’re kinda gonna have to go get it yourself.
Next is the possibility that you legitimately feel the chemistry between you both but are tired of waiting for him to get the courage to ask you out.
In cases such as this, it’s perfectly reasonable that you take things to the next level — you know that both of you want to anyway!
Finally, and probably the likely reason you are reading this in the first place, there’s this guy you really like. Still, you’re unsure as to whether or not he might be interested in you too.
You wanna ask him out, but you don’t wanna seem too desperate — both to avoid scaring him off and to protect your own pride.
In cases such as this, you might be tempted to convince yourself that nothing’s ever gonna happen between you two and refrain from asking him out altogether.
It would be a shame as you’ll be wondering to yourself years later what you would have done had you more guts.
You could miss out on your chance for an honest and lasting relationship, but fear, pride, or a combination of the two got in the way of you asking him out.
So long as you do it right, there is nothing wrong with taking a chance and asking a guy you like out on a date.
You just need to keep a few things in mind to ensure you don’t come across as desperate or insecure.
Things To Keep In Mind
These are the things you need to be sure of before and during asking him out. Keeping them in mind will save you a whole lot of embarrassment and awkwardness.
Be Sure of the Chemistry
Being delusional is never an attractive trait. Though it’s hard to be 100% sure, it helps if you are aware of some of the signs that a guy is into you:
- He likes to ask you a lot of questions.
- He makes a lot of eye contact with you when you speak.
- He frequently offers to help you.
- He always tells you jokes.
- He tries to catch you alone, or his friends always tend to leave the two of you.
If any of these signs are true, then there’s a good chance that he might already be into you and is just waiting for you to make a move.
At any rate, you can also tend to sense these things in his tone of voice or his posture when he’s around you as opposed to when he’s with others.
Know Your Worth
Confidence is critical whenever you’re thinking about dating. Know what you’re worth and why you’re a great person to be with even before you think about asking him out.
Give yourself a pep-talk or strike a power pose right before you ask him out. This will usually give you the confidence boost needed to get it over with.
Try to Look (and Feel) Your Best
Moreso than trying to look good for him, try to look good for yourself too. Looking your best will also carry over to what you feel about yourself.
No matter what your sense of fashion is, if you feel great while wearing it, then that’s going translate into confidence when you finally try to ask him out.
Ask Him in Person
Despite living in a technological world where anyone can be reached anywhere, it still helps to do things in person.
Unless you are experiencing crippling social anxiety, making it difficult for you to confront the guy you like in person. It’s always best to ask someone out face-to-face.
It’s more special that way and allows the guy to see how confident, likable, and attractive you are!
Rip The Band-Aid Off
The final and most important thing when trying to ask a guy out is to just go out there and do it. Do it once but do it definitively.
Spending more and more time brooding over how you need to work up the courage to ask him out will only ensure that you’ll stumble when you actually start talking to him.
Rip the band-aid off for good and just ask him out confidently and with an air of finality.
What If You’re Rejected?
It helps to be prepared for any scenario. Though it doesn’t assist you to always expect rejections, it’s better to know how to take rejection gracefully and with pride:
- Simply say that you respect his decision and that you wish him well.
- If he’s your friend, simply say that you are still friends, but you’re just gonna need some time to get things back to normal (Yes, it’s possible! It just takes some work to get past the initial awkwardness).
- Never beg or cry in front of him; just say goodbye politely and walk away. Maybe even ask if you guys can be friends instead.
- You can perhaps ask why he doesn’t wanna go out with you but be cautious. Know that we can’t please everybody. Although constructive criticism is good, it’s never good to start changing your whole personality to be more likable to everyone.
Dealing with rejection is never pleasant. But there isn’t anything to be ashamed of.
You took an adult step, and sometimes those don’t go the way we want to.
Do not let it get to you and affect your self-esteem!
Bottom Line
Asking a guy out can be both the scariest and liberating feeling in your dating life.
Taking a proactive step into shaping your relationship is the mark of a truly modern woman.
If you follow the things in this article, you’ll be dating your dream guy in no time!
