You disagree with your boyfriend, and both try to make your points to win the argument. In disputing, you get hurt by something the other has said.
You want to talk things out to reach an agreement, but your boyfriend only wants to leave and shut down.
In this post, I will help you understand why your boyfriend shuts down during a fight and how to solve his need to leave during conflicts by giving him space.
Guys Shut Down When They’re Emotionally Stressed
You and your man are at odds on an emotional issue. You attempt to make your point, but in the process, your boyfriend interrupts you to make his point. Tempers start to flare as neither person backs down.
You start to question your boyfriend. Do you know how that makes me feel? Before he could answer, you asked another question. What are you thinking? Why are you upset?
Frustrated, your man goes silent. He heads toward the nearest exit with you in hot pursuit, interrogating him. Your need to resolve the conflict urges you to talk more to find common ground.
However, all your man seems to want to do is escape. He makes his way to the front door and out to his car without saying a word to you. As your boyfriend speeds away, you wonder, What gives? Why did he shut down? How could he leave without resolving this issue? Doesn’t he care about me or our relationship?
In truth, your boyfriend does care about you. That’s why he pulled away. This will become apparent once you understand why men shut down.
Why Men Shut Down When They are Emotionally Stressed
You’ve probably heard that women’s brains are wired toward communication. The act of communicating helps women formulate how they feel and also helps women find resolutions to problems during emotionally stressful times like a fight.
But did you know that men think more deeply about issues and act on those thoughts to resolve conflicts? It may be hard to believe your man is a deep thinker, but it’s true.
In her book, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn surveyed thousands of men and found that, generally, men are internal processors. They think deeply about important and emotional issues.
Men aren’t surface-level thinkers. Men think deeply about one crucial issue at a time. Only when a guy has thoroughly thought the issue through and its impact will man be able to move on to the next thought.
Once your man has thoroughly pondered the issue and the impact, he will begin the internal process of thinking about how to articulate his thoughts and feelings to you.
Therefore when you’re at odds with your boyfriend and things are getting emotional, you ask, what do you think about what I just said? And he responds with, “I don’t know what I’m thinking right now.” He isn’t lying.
Men have to think an issue through before they can discuss it. When you press your boyfriend or husband for a response, and he doesn’t have time to think, men often shut down to prevent saying something they will regret later.
Women often think their significant others don’t care about resolving the issue or their woman’s feelings when men shut down. This isn’t the case. Men shut down and leave to clear their heads and think the matter through. Guys go because they care for you.
Give Your Boyfriend Space
Because men internally process essential thoughts and feelings, they require time and space to think. It’s incredibly frustrating for men to make crucial decisions or answer questions without preparation.
That’s why it’s never wise for a woman to say to her husband, “we need to talk,” without briefing him on what the talk will be about. If you want to have a productive “talk” with your boyfriend or husband, it is best to give him a heads-up, so he has time to think about and articulate his feelings.
Again, men think deeply about important issues, and it’s hard for men to process their thoughts and feelings in the heat of an argument. So men leave to clear their heads and start thinking about the fight.
To avoid your boyfriend shutting down, you must allow him the space he needs to think. Every guy is different; some men will need to think for a few hours, others a few days, depending on how important the issue is.
The best way to determine your man’s needs is to ask him, but most men are about to talk about most issues the next day.
The Takeaway
Men have to think deeply about an important decision or issue to completion before they’re able to talk about it.
Your boyfriend or husband processes his thoughts and feelings internally, one topic at a time. Your man requires space and time to think deeply.
During an argument, men can’t think clearly. Guys will often shut down to avoid saying something they’ll later regret. Men leave to create space and clear their heads to think. Usually, after a few hours or the next day, your boyfriend will be able to articulate his feelings.
Now that you understand why men shut down suddenly during arguments. It’s time for you to start giving your man the time and space he needs to think. The best way to know how much space your man needs is to ask him.
If you enjoyed this post, check out Why Men Become Players and learn why good guys become players.
