Few things are as poorly understood between the sexes as… well… sex. I’m not talking about the mechanics, of course.
Most of us have had the birds, and the bees talk at some stage in our lives. But instead the attitude, the meaning, and the feeling.
What does sex mean to men?
While there are exceptions, it seems, for the most part, that the concept of sex is a different world for men.
For women, it can be hard to get their minds around these differences of experience.
This isn’t helped that we are still quite repressed when it comes to talking about sex.
It should speak volumes about the complicated nature of male sexuality. That a man could attend a live sex show in Amsterdam with fifteen of his closest male friends.
But will struggle like hell to talk to his wife about what he would like her to do during sex.
In this article, we will cross the wonderful world of sex from a male perspective.
And help you understand what is going on in your husband, boyfriend, or one-night stand’s head. So let’s dive into what sex means to a man.
We Can Be Detached
It’s hardly a secret. There’s no sense in denying it. Men do not need emotional investment in a person to have sex with them.
In fact, men can have sex with someone they have no strong feelings for. Or loath with every fiber of their being.
Even when a man is with a woman, sex can be transactional. A physical activity that two people do together, like playing cards.
This is not to say your boyfriend won’t be mad if you decide to go “play” with someone else.
The point is there is no need for a man to have emotional stakes in his sexual partner.
Having those emotional stakes does guarantee any kind of emotional experience during sex.
You Are Important
Okay, I’ll level with you, “you” can mean you, or it can mean you as a gender.
The point here is that the woman is an essential part of the experience. Rather than, as is often assumed, a means to an end.
The truth is we can get ourselves off without a woman’s help. Sometimes with minimal effort.
Many women are pretty stunned to learn that men will still masturbate – even if they have sex regularly.
I know, this doesn’t read like an endorsement of women being important to men’s sexual experience. The point is men don’t need women to get off; they want women.
The Desire to Dominate
One of the more distasteful myths about the male attitude towards sex is the belief that men are looking to dominate their sexual partners.
If we’re being honest, this isn’t a myth, but it’s not true in the way that the legend would have you believe.
When you talk about dominating someone in a sexual sense.
What often comes to mind are handcuffs, whips, and various other things.
Men assume they are in those Fifty Shades of Grey books. And while some men (and women) are into that, it’s not something that applies to all men.
The male desire to dominate their sexual partner. Has to do with their insecurities about their sexual prowess.
Regardless of what you want, we don’t want to hold you down and have our way with you.
We want to make you lose control of your extremities through expert sexual mastery.
We want to bring you to orgasms so intense. You only have time to wonder how your hair follicles can feel aroused before you blackout for a moment.
There is a degree of selfishness about this aspect of male sexuality.
Especially when it is with a woman they aren’t too attached to, like a one-night stand. Our desire to make you thrash around as a woman possessed.
It is as much about our desire to be sexual gods as it is about making you feel good.
Those of us that care to dwell on that fact. Sometimes feel bad about it, but if you end up getting a thumping orgasm out of it, is it a bad thing?
There may also be an element of vicariousness about the whole thing.
In the constant (yet unnecessary) debate about which is the better sex.
The fact that women can have many orgasms is often chalked up as a point to the women.
I might not be able to experience this mythical ecstasy. So making your experience is the closest I can get to heaven.
We Need Validation
The narrative surrounding societal norms and how they can be damaging. Tends to skew towards those norms that affect women.
The ugly truth is that men face the same pressures to look a certain way that women do. But society conditions us not to talk about it.
Whether you’re watching Dwayne Johnson and Zack Efron, compare abs in Baywatch.
There are many ways in which men feel inadequate, and many of them trace back to women.
A lot of guys have heard, “Chicks dig muscles.” So, we get in shape. Or “Women like a man who makes them laugh,” and we work on being funny.
Men make many life choices driven by the desire to appeal to women. Which is absurd.
But here’s the dirty secret. If you ask many men whether they’d instead look like Dwayne Johnson and be terrible in the sack.
Or look like Steve Urkel and be a sexual rock star; most of them would pick Steve.
You see, all the above efforts to look buff or tell jokes are a means to an end. They’re like putting on a nice suit before heading out for a job interview.
People might see you in your suit and feel envious of how dapper you look. But at the end of the day, they’d rather have the job than the suit.
Our Sexual Fantasies Are Very Literal
In reading similar articles about how women experience and process sex, I’ve read that many women have sexual dreams.
Where their lover has no identity, no connection to their real world, and in some cases, no face!
These women were making love to a particular type or shape of a man rather than a specific person.
This is most definitely not the case for men.
When we have sexual dreams, we are dreaming about a specific person (or persons).
Sometimes those dream lovers can come a little out of the left field. Somebody we’d never given a second glance becomes a bit of a crush overnight.
Moreover, these fantasies can be rather mundane. Consider what I said about men wanting to be the cause of life-changing sex for a woman.
Bringing that kind of ecstasy is a significant factor in our sexual desires.
This effect magnified. When the recipient of those earth-moving orgasms is someone unexpected.
There is a reason why tropes like “the girl next door” exists. And why so many online pornography features tags like “innocent” and “shy.”
Causing a woman to lose control of herself in fits of sexual ecstasy is all the more potent. If that woman is about as far from a porn star as it gets.
Sex is Not One-Size-Fits-All
The complicated truth of the matter is that, like women, men differ a lot. We can agree on many commonalities.
Yet, plenty of men only like to have sex with women they feel an emotional connection to.
Some men like to dominate their partners in a more conventional sense. I hope those men limit their sexual activities to women who enjoy domination in that sense.
If you want to know what your partner thinks about sex, the best thing you can do is ask them.
But you might need to work on your answer because we don’t talk about sex.
If you enjoyed this post you would also enjoy 5 Signs a Man Is Attracted to You, in it, you will learn the fives signs men give when they are attracted to you.
