“You have to be able to set boundaries; otherwise, the rest of the world is telling you who you are and what you should be doing. You can still be a nice person and set boundaries.” -Oprah Winfrey.
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with the ‘perfect’ guy when suddenly, he begins to push your every limit?
Let me take a wild guess; you start to worry that maybe he is not the right man for you, but deep down, you like him, and you want this relationship to work.
The good news is that you can make this work, and he’s probably only trying to explore your limits.
Do you see where I am going with this? Imagine that you are in a pitch-black room.
The only way to turn on the light or reach the door is by having a sense of feeling in your surroundings.
Surprisingly enough, a relationship is not that different.
You are constantly learning new things about the other person, so naturally, boundaries will be tested. A lot! But here, I’ll explain why guys test limits and what to do about it. So, let’s get down to business.
What are Boundaries?
Boundaries are the little things that protect you from losing your identity and authentic self.
It is often those walls that you put up. Every brick reminders you of something you’ve been hurt by and sets limits on how you want to be treated by others.
Boundaries can be about your emotional, physical, or even sexual preferences.
It also can change from relationship to relationship.
And while at some point you may have been called demanding or inflexible for not giving them up, boundaries are, in fact, the one thing that can demand the respect that you deserve from others.
Boundaries are your rule book. Pages filled with your limitations, values, and the guide of how much you are willing to comprise on your relationship.
They are the things that will protect you from being hurt or disrespected, especially by someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally.
Why Guys Test Boundaries?
Although women also do it, men test boundaries differently.
Women tend to express their feelings more openly, while men can keep their feeling stuck inside.
This, of course, can confuse us and leave us uncertain of their behavior or intentions.
While it may seem like he is pushing you away or perhaps not interested by his comments or behavior, this can well be just his way of exploring what you are actually about and how he fits on your life.
Sounds silly as it gets, but testing your boundaries is a genuine way to figure out the limits in your relationship.
Guys test boundaries to understand you a little deeper.
And after you recognize the signs that he is pushing your limits, you will also be able to make sure that you are both on the same page at all times. Setting boundaries shouldn’t be scary or worrisome.
This is a natural part of a relationship, and it can be exciting.
6 Signs That Guys are Testing Your Boundaries
It can get a little fuzzy and confusing when he is pushing your limits. Trust me; we’ve all been there.
The problem is that only some understand the genuine concept of boundaries and how important they are to build a healthy relationship with the person you love and yourself.
Here I’m about to explore the 7 most common signs that he is testing your boundaries.
1. A guy will test your tolerance when it comes to his personal space
Are you someone that tends to control others?
Or perhaps you are afraid that people will leave you or replace you with somebody else?
If you currently struggle with trust issues, then this will be a test that you will most likely fail.
Guys test boundaries on how much freedom you are willing to give them by taking a few bonding trips with the guys or asking you to provide them with some space.
Trust will be the key here. If you do trust him, then this should be an easy test to get an A+.
2. He will test your enthusiasm for his hobbies and interests
When we are in a relationship, it’s normal to share our passions with the ones we love.
Perhaps he has asked you to watch a game with him or even join him on his workout sessions. Whatever he’s into, it’s normal for him to test you by trying to pursue you, not his passions.
This shouldn’t be seen as him waiting for you to change, but a way for you both to bond while enjoying each other interests.
If you aren’t into his passions, then it may seem like he is pressuring you.
If you feel like there is no way you will ever be open to at least try to share his interests, the best thing to do is explain it to him without sounding like an accusation.
3. He challenges your limits
He may push you out of your comfort zone, and while this may upset you, there are two reasons he may be challenging your limits.
For one, he may be trying to support you in achieving your true potential. Maybe you are afraid to get out of your comfort zone, and he feels like he can help you take the first steps.
Secondly, he may be challenging you because he wants to see how far you are willing to go.
Very often, guys test boundaries only because they want to know how far they can push you. And you should remember that if you let slide now, the chances are that he’s going to make it again.
4. A guy wants to know If you are into a short- or long-term relationship
It’s normal if he randomly starts testing your boundaries when trying to understand if you are interested in a temporary or long-term relationship.
Even though asking you directly, just like women, men are also afraid to ask directly, so instead. They will test your boundaries when looking to know your plans with the relationship.
5. He will Test Your Jealousy Levels
A little jealousy can spice your relationship up.
Yet, there is the possibility that a lack of trust and excessive jealousy can be a deal-breaker.
Guys test boundaries sometimes by exploring what makes you tickle. Perhaps he will play games and give some unnecessary attention to other girls to check how you will react.
Yet other times, it’s possible that he only wants to see how bad you like him and try to make you jealous on purpose.
6. He will pull away
This is more common than you may think. And while watching the guy you’re into pull away, especially when things are getting severe, can make you feel rejected.
While it can be possible for guys to pull out because they are not interested, it’s ubiquitous for them to pull away when they are just afraid of how serious the relationship is getting serious.
It’s common for guys to pull away from you when their feelings are getting more profound.
Although you should respect him when he needs some space, it’s also crucial that you let him know how you feel about him and reassure him about your feelings.
How to Set Boundaries?
It’s natural if you feel like you need to impress him at the beginning of the relationship.
And while you can get tempted to satisfy him and don’t set any boundaries, this is the worst thing you can do.
While you think that neglecting your believes and wishes are a compromise that you perhaps should do to save your relationship, this is further from the truth.
A relationship needs honesty, trust, and healthy boundaries to work. Those are the things that will build a strong foundation for your relationships and perhaps even be the reason why you will maintain this relationship for a very long time.
But before setting up your boundaries, you should remember 3 key things:
Recognize Your Feelings
Your feelings are valid, and you should always consider how you feel before considering others.
After all, you can’t be happy in a relationship where you don’t get to be yourself. Don’t ignore how you feel.
If you aren’t comfortable with something or situations you do not wish to encounter, you should speak up. Recognize what is making you think overwhelmed or frustrated and set those boundaries.
Voice it Out with Good Communication
Communication is the key in a relationship, but not all communication types are helpful, especially when setting boundaries.
Speak calmly and explain where you are coming from to help your man understand why you feel a certain way.
Avoid accusing him and instead, try to reach a neutral ground where the both of you can understand how the other one is feeling.
Compromise Without Hurting Yourself
Another thing that some couples fail to do is to compromise.
You are in a relationship, and both people need to come to a consensus. None of you can have your way.
Both parties will have to make some type of sacrifice to help keep the balance of your relationship.
Yet, you shouldn’t compromise too much either. It needs to feel right to work. It would help if you didn’t feel like you need to be the one compromising everything just because you want this relationship to work.
Don’t hurt your feeling or demolish your beliefs and values in the process.
Again communication will play a huge role, so use it to make your voice heard and compromise if it feels right. Letting go of something just to keep a relationship alive while feeling unhappy from the inside will only make things worse in the long run.
Final Thoughts
Relationships are not easy, and they are not supposed to be.
When you decide to share your time with someone else, there will be moments that you will question everything you believe in because you want to make your relationship work.
Guys test boundaries to understand where the relationship is at the moment and where perhaps it could lead to, yet while doing that, he may push your limits.
So it’s essential to set boundaries straight from the start. There is no point in allowing him to do or say things that will become an issue later on.
So pose your limits and have fun with it, because by doing that, you will also have a chance to get to know him in a more in-depth way.
