Wow! You look beautiful! What’s your name? Flattered by this guy’s approach, you tell him your name – Jessica. Jessica have you been here often, or is this your first time here, he replies.
As you respond, this handsome man asks if you want to join him at the bar to continue the conversation. This guy is unlike other men you meet. He’s charming and good-looking, but a mystery to him also attracts you.
So, you accept his invitation and join him at the bar. Unbeknownst to you, this charming, handsome guy is a player. Before meeting you, this guy picked up two women using the same approach.
Once he gets what he wants, usually sex, he’s off chasing the next woman he sees. That Player wasn’t always a womanizer. He was once a nice romantic guy. But something happened to him that changed him from a nice guy to a Casanova.
In this post, I will show you why men become players.
The Makings of a Player ( What Causes a nice guy to become a Casanova)
Most guys aren’t born players. In fact, the majority were either nice guys or the nerdy late-bloomer types. What determines if a guy becomes a player or not has a lot to do with his first experiences with a girl or woman. To illustrate this point, here are 2 examples.
Calvin’s story: The nice guy that got his heart broken.
I was always a friendly kid and a hopeless romantic. My first girlfriend and I became a couple in the 8th grade. I recall thanking God when we got together. She was my first everything, kiss, date, love…etc. I gave her gifts and wrote her love notes – this was my one true love, or so I thought. But into our sophomore year of high school, things changed. She no longer looked forward to seeing me. The girl I loved – who I would do anything for – cheated on me.
I couldn’t believe it. I went to my girlfriend’s house to confront her, and the car of the guy she cheated on me with was in her driveway. It was devastating. I recall being in the car with my best friend in tears, vowing to never let another woman hurt me like this again. Without realizing it at the time, that was when I became a player. I feared being hurt again.
Mike’s story: The nerdy guy or late bloomer that gets rejected.
I have always been a bookworm. I’ve read countless books. My grades in school were essential to me. Plus, I didn’t have a lot of friends in school. I wasn’t in the “In Crowd”, so most people didn’t know me.
When you’re a late bloomer and a walking contradiction – like I was. I weighed 100 lbs, soaking wet, and had large feet that didn’t match my body. It’s hard to get a girl’s attention.
It was my junior year of high school when I approached a girl. Her name was Tina, and I had a big crush on her. Tina was out of my league. Every guy wanted her. I usually never ask a girl out – I was too shy – but Tina was so beautiful I had to make an attempt.
I tried figuring out what I would say as I approached, but my mind went blank. Trying not to be awkward, I uttered, “Can I get your number?” She looked at me blankly and replied, “Your face is not attractive.” I was crushed. I wanted to melt into my locker.
Fast forward a few years, I’m in college, I work out consistently, and my body has matured. I get a lot of attention from women, and I love it. I’m not going to settle down anytime soon. I remember my life in high school when I couldn’t get a date.
As you can tell from Mike and Calvin’s stories, neither guy started out being a player. Their early childhood experiences with women shaped them into players. For every guy that was or is a player, there was one girl they loved that either rejected them or hurt them and changed the nice guy into a womanizer.
The Psychology of a Player ( How Womanizers Think)
How does a player think psychologically?
Again, most players were not born womanizers. This is usually something he learned due to how a girl responded to him in his early childhood – as was the case for Mike and Calvin.
Mike, a bookworm and late bloomer experienced much rejection in his early life. Once he began to blossom and his looks improved, women flocked to him. It wasn’t uncommon for Mike to date 2 or 3 women at a time.
So for Mike, psychologically, he began to think it’s all about looks and dating multiple women simultaneously. For some casanovas that were nerds in school, they’re on a ‘High” bedding various women. These guys have just gotten attention from women and are popular now.
Players like Mike are compensating for their childhood rejections.
For guys like Calvin, the hurt of being cheated on by the girl he loved taught him that nice guys finish last. So, Calvin became a player to minimize how chances of getting hurt again. He believes women don’t want a nice guy. Life has shown him that women are drawn to guys that are jerks.
Calvin dates multiple women at a time and has noticed the worst he treats a woman, the more she wants him. Calvin is charming and charismatic when he meets a woman. But turns hot and cold once he’s intimate with her. He is inconsistent in his actions, but women are drawn to him.
Men like Calvin have built walls around their feelings and refuse to let any woman get close to them. Life has taught men like Calvin that women want the bad boy, not the gentleman.
The Takeaway
Players or casanovas are guys that spend a significant amount of time attempting to sleep with as many women as they can. These men will often juggle multiple women.
Many women believe players have always been casanovas. However, this isn’t true. Most men are not born players; many bad boys were once lovely guys who were turned into womanizers by childhood experiences with girls.
Many players are only players to compensate for an adverse childhood experience like being cheated on by a high school sweetheart or being rejected by a girl they love.
Now that you know why men become players use what you’ve learned to see through a player’s facade.
If you liked this post, check out “How to Make a Player Fall in Love With You.” And learn how to break down a player’s facade and enter his heart.
