YES! This is the moment you have been waiting for. You’re compatible with a man you’ve met. And the feeling is mutual.
The 15 terrible dates, the 2 times you were ghosted and the 1 catfish incident were all worth it. Because you have found a man that truly adores you. All is right with the world.
Fast forward 6 months and your once adoring man is now growing distant. Phone conversations that used to last for hours are now just a few minutes. Dates that were frequent are now once in a blue moon occurrences. The chemistry seems to be waning.
Confused by the sudden, you wonder why is your mate pulling away? The thought of losing a great guy is frightening. What went wrong? The relationship was great.
Because there are many reasons why men pull away from their significant other, to answer why men pull away cannot be answered fully with a single answer. The reason why your man pulled away from you maybe for a very different reason then another man.
Yet, many men pull away for a variation of the same 3 reasons below.
Men will pull away when they need to think and reflect on the relationship
Men will pull away from you if they want to catch their breath and evaluate the relationship. Your man may enjoy spending time with you – but be unsure if he wants to move the relationship to the next level.
He needs time to think.
During this breather, he could be asking himself “Are you requiring more from him than what he is willing to give?” Or he could be wrestling with the idea of sharing a future with you.
Also, after being with you, your man could realize that he doesn’t want a serious relationship. He just wants to be friends – but doesn’t know how to tell you.
His sudden distance is to gain perspective on the relationship – he needs time to evaluate his thoughts and feelings about you to determine if you’re in his future.
What you should do if your man needs space to reflect on your relationship?
Give him the space he needs.
Easier said than done. Especially, if the relationship has been going well. You’re probably wondering – what is he up to? Or Why the sudden change?
Instead of being in your head, this is a great time for you to reconnect with your friends and make yourself a priority. Have a girls night out or a game night with your family. This is an opportunity to re-establish your life before your man was in it.
After maybe a week or two – if your man has evaluated your relationship and he thinks it is with pursuing further – he will come back.
When he calls or texts you do not bring up the fact that he hasn’t spoken to you. If you do, your man will think you’re upset by his disappearance.
Remember, he has come back because he sees a future with you. He is back more committed to you and ready to take the relationship to a new level.
What if your man doesn’t come back?
If your guy doesn’t return – don’t take it personally. The relationship wasn’t worth pursuing, after his evaluation. This is actually a good thing. What just happened is a man that would not commit to you got out of the way so a man that would commit to you could find you.
Men will back away if they think you are trying to control them
There are women that – intentionally or not – try to control men.
Women become controlling if they have been hurt in past relationships. Controlling women expect men to follow an unreasonable list of requirements. Their lists will include a variation of the following requirements:
No looking at another woman.
No going out with his friends without her.
Texts replied within 15 minutes.
These requirements are a bit extreme but a controlling woman will look at this list and think this list is reasonable. No man will find these requirements acceptable.
Control to men is their role in a relationship. That’s not to say that men want to be control freaks and control you. No! Men – as well as women – want to feel that they are still in control of their life and they have the final say in what they can and cannot do.
No man should be chastised for violating an unreasonable requirement because you are carrying unresolved baggage.
Men are controlled by their own thoughts, opinions, and feelings – and – are not comfortable being controlled by their mate.
In fact – if men see another man being controlled by his woman – they will often describe the man as weak, emasculated, or lacking pride. They will make fun of one another for not being the man or wearing the pants in their relationship. Men fear being controlled by women.
If your man feels like you are controlling him, he will pull away from your relationship.
Here is what you should do if your controlling ways have pushed your man away.
Give him the space he needs. That means no texts, no calls, and no contact. Let him decide if this relationship is right for him.
During this break, reflect on how you have been controlling your partner. Try to understand why you think you need to control your relationships. Or seek counsel with a professional or close friend. Be honest with yourself and develop a plan to change.
If he thinks the relationship is worth salvaging, he will come back. When your man returns, this is your opportunity to explain to him why you feel the need to control him. Be vulnerable about your baggage and commit to changing for the better.
Men pull away when they feel pressured to commit
Men will pull away if they feel they’re being pressured to commit to a relationship. For men, dating casually is an opportunity to get to know a woman and determine compatibility without having to give up independence. The loss of a man’s independence is something that happens to men once they enter a serious relationship.
Moving a casual relationship too fast or talking to your man about moving in together, could cause a man to feel uncomfortable. Especially – if you have only been dating for a few months. A few months may not be enough time for him to know if he wants to be exclusive with you.
By pressuring your man to commit, he may feel like he has to choose between his independence and you.
Often – women unintentionally pressure men to commit or define their relationship with ultimatums. Ultimatums never work. They only increase a man’s resentment toward you and any thoughts of a future with you.
Ask yourself. Do you really want to be with a man you had to pressure to commit to you?
Men do not have commitment issues. Men – just like women – have an issue finding the right woman. A man will be eager to commit to the right woman for him – without pressure.
How should you handle a guy that pulls away because he feels pressure to commit?
If you’ve been pressuring him to commit then stop immediately. Give him the space he needs.
There is a fine line between pressuring a man to commit to a relationship with you – and making your intentions clear to a man that you want a commitment. Pressuring a man often includes ultimatums or threats. For example, commit to me or else phrases.
But if you have been casually dating a man and you want to move the relationship to a serious level. Simply tell the man that you have enjoyed your casual relationship and you would like to take the relationship to the next level with him when he is ready. Make sure he understands what you want. Also, make sure he understands there is no pressure for him to commit to you.
State your case and let him think.
It will be tempting to reach out to him with a call or text but resist the temptation. Remember, you all were casually dating, he is still establishing his feelings and emotions for you. He’s determining whether he wants to give up his independence for you. The more you press him the more likely he will determine that his independence is best for him.
If he doesn’t bring up the topic again – then you have your answer. He doesn’t want to commit to you. Move on to someone who will.
It is a terrible feeling when your guy pulls away from you. Not knowing the cause of your mate’s distance can drive any woman insane. Particularly, if your mate hasn’t or doesn’t communicate his reasons.
Remember to give him the space he needs and use this time to focus on what you can control – which is you. Reconnect with friends and grow tighter bonds with family.
How you react to your man’s sudden distance can impact how your partner perceives you and a future with you in his life.
